Female Beauty Matters

Written by Mary Kassian

Recently, several bloggers tackled a highly sensitive and debated topic— the need for women to attend to their beauty and appearance.I published a post, extracted from my  Girls Gone Wise book, which examined some Scriptural directives for women on what and what not to wear. I came under fire for focusing on such mundane matters rather than really important stuff—like comforting the sick and war-torn. I admit it. The topic of woman’s appearance is trivial compared to the war on the other side of the world – but given the reality of our culture, it’s a battle that hits much closer to home.

A Sensitive Issue for both sexes

When it comes to beauty, women react against the burden of expectation, the fear that they will fall short of the desired standard, the inevitability of decay, and the resentment that the script is different for men than it is for women. A woman wants to be loved and accepted as she is. From a wife’s perspective, a husband’s attraction to/desire for beauty can magnify her feelings of personal inadequacy and insecurity, and she may fear that his love/acceptance depends on her ability to measure up.

Woman’s appearance is a sensitive issue, because from a man’s perspective, a wife’s effort to be beautiful for her husband speaks of her care and respect for him, and communicates her desire to be sexually attractive and available for him. Making a reasonable effort to care for and beautify herself is a demonstration of her devotion. In his view, a lack of effort in this regard demonstrates a lack of concern for him. Bottom line – whether we like it our not, it’s important to our guys.

So who is right? The stalemate in the discussion often boils down to the fact that women resent the fact that men are so attracted to beauty, while men resent the fact that women don’t make the effort to properly attend to it. So how do we resolve the impasse? In my opinion, we can’t hope to make sense of the question until we view woman’s beauty and beautification through the lens of the biblical typology of gender, and the eternal, cosmic meaning of sexuality.

Beauty has a cosmic meaning

Psalm 45 is a song celebrating the marriage of a Hebrew king to a foreign princess. But it’s also a messianic prophecy pointing to the relationship between Christ the King and His Church-Bride. The Psalmist notes that the king “desires her beauty”, and that the princess, in turn, makes herself beautiful—“all-glorious”— for him.

Scripture uses this imagery to illustrate how we are to make ourselves beautiful for our King.The Lord wants us to clothe ourselves in fine, spotless garments of righteousness—in holy character and holy deeds. (Rev. 19:7—8) He wants us to be beautiful, and through Jesus, we are!  The great story of the gospel is that God gives us the opportunity to clothe ourselves in the beauty of Christ. He provides the beauty- and we don’t need to work or strive to measure up, nor do we need fear that we will fail to meet the standard.

So what does all this have to do with our discussion about female appearance? It has a great deal to do with it. We live—as C.S. Lewis coined it—in the “shadow lands.” The earthly, physical realities of our lives are but shadows—copies—of true and heavenly realities (e.g. Heb. 8:5; 9:24-25). The physical and temporal exist to point us to the spiritual and eternal. And nowhere is this more the case than in the relationship between male and female.

Human sexuality is a parable —a testimony to the character of God and to His spectacular plan of redemption through Jesus. This spiritual truth is so magnificent that God chose to put it on display permanently. Everywhere. Men were created to reflect the strength, love and self-sacrifice of Christ. Women were created to reflect the grace and beauty of the Bride He redeemed.

I believe that men are “wired” to be attracted to beauty in women because our Heavenly Bridegroom desires the beauty of His Bride. And I believe that deep down, every woman wants to feel beautiful and desired. This is the way that God has created us as male and female—and the illustration points to something far bigger than ourselves.

Beauty is more than a passing pleasure

Many scorn beauty as “a passing pleasure.” They think that the illusive, fragile, fading, temporary, and wrinkle-and-stretch-mark-prone nature of female beauty indicates that men (and women) should just “get over it” and focus on more important things.

Beauty is indeed a passing pleasure. But I think there’s a deeper meaning here that we dare not trivialize. The symbolic importance of beauty/beautification is not unlike the symbolic importance of marriage. Woman’s beauty, and all the broken, distorted ideas about it, will not so much pass, as give way—in the end—to that to which beauty points. There will be no marriage in heaven because the shadow will give way to the reality. Likewise, the illusive, fading, temporary beauty of women will one day give way to the breathtaking, spectacular, eternal beauty of the Bride of Christ.

The gospel doesn’t negate man’s desire to enjoy beauty and woman’s desire to be beautiful, but it does shift the focus of our attention beyond the symbol to that to which it points. When we consider the jaw-dropping picture painted by Scripture, it would seem that our Lord finds our desire for beauty not too strong, but too weak. We get all wrapped up with the earthly and the superficial and temporal, while the supernatural and eternal is offered us. Like an ignorant tourist who spreads out his towel under the picture of the umbrella on the sign, because he does not know that the sign points to the beach. We are far too easily pleased. (Again, a favorite C. S. Lewis thought)

Embracing beauty

Followers of Christ know that the symbol is not even fractionally as important as the reality. But they understand that it is not totally unimportant either.

So girls, let’s give the guys a break. Let’s stop condemning them for feeling attracted to beauty and wanting us to make a reasonable and sustained effort in that department. And guys… give us a break. Please understand how very personal and painful this issue can be for women. It’s very difficult to stay engaged in fighting a battle we know we are destined to lose. The beauty of our youth will inevitably fade. And most of us don’t have a hope of even remotely resembling the airbrushed model on the cover of the magazine.

In my opinion, the answer to the conundrum surrounding the discussion about female beauty is not to diminish or deny its importance, but to exalt and embrace the all-surpassing beauty to which it points.

Let’s always remember that the whole issue of female beauty is merely a signpost. It’s reminder to all of us—male and female—that the King desires our beauty, and that we ought to carefully attend to our character, and to making ourselves spiritually beautiful for that great destination wedding on the other shore.

How to Write a Love Letter

Written by Claire Colvin

What could be more romantic than receiving a love letter? A good old fashioned, hand-written love letter is still one of the best Valentines around, but don’t just save it for February. A love letter is a powerful expression any day of the year.

You don’t have to be Shakespeare to write the perfect love letter. All you need to know is how you feel. What makes a love letter so romantic is that it is deeply personal. It shows your beloved how well you know them, and that knowledge is the very stuff of love.

All you need to get started is a pen and some decent stationary.Use thick card stock rather than stationary with roses and cupids around the edges. The recipient is probably going to keep this letter for a long time. Writing on heavy card stock will help it last.  (You can find paper like this at scrap booking stores and some office supply outlets.)

As you are writing be specific. Tell him exactly how he makes you feel and what he does that makes you feel that way. Write in the second person ( use “you” ) so that your letter speaks directly to him. Before you start writing, take a few moments to think about your beloved.

The following questions can help to get your thoughts going:

• What is his greatest strength?
• What do you see in him that he doesn’t see in himself?
• What is the most romantic thing he has ever done for you?
• What does he do on a regular basis that shows you he cares about you?
• When did you fall in love with him?
• What about him pleasantly surprised you?
• What is your favorite memory of the two of you?
• How has your world changed since you got together?

You can start your letter anyway you like as long as you include his name. You don’t have to be super-mushy right from the start, a simple “Dear _____” works well. Begin your letter with a very specific quality that you appreciate about him. Make the sentence exclusive – for example “I’ve never met anyone as _______ as you” or “No one has ever made me feel as____ as you do when you ____” Starting out this way shows him that he ranks higher than anyone else in your books – a great way to start a love letter.

A Conversation about Love & God
You were designed for love. Believe it or not, love moves God to you. And there’s nothing this world needs more than people who have beenchanged by love.

As you write, tell him exactly how you feel. Use specific examples that show that you’ve been paying attention. Remind him of the things he has done that really meant something to you. Share a favorite memory and a hope for the future. Don’t forget to say “I love you.” It doesn’t matter how long or short your letter is, as long as it’s sincere.

There’s no rule that says you have to use poetry in a love letter, but if you’re stumped finding just the right words, one or two carefully chosen lines can work really well. If you don’t have a poem in mind, there’s a lot to choose from online. If you want to use something other than the usual classics, I highly recommend “Dance Me to the End of Love” by Leonard Cohen.

Once your letter is complete, read it over carefully and check for errors. This letter will be read over and over. You don’t want a mistake spoiling the mood.If you want to add an extra special touch, seal the envelope with wax. Sealing kits are available at most fine stationary stores, but a regular taper candle in a dark color works just as well. Simply light the candle and carefully drip a small puddle of wax about the size of a quarter over the flap.

Once the letter is complete, drop it in the mail and wait for a great response. If you’re lucky, you just might get a love letter yourself.

What Men Want in a Relationship

Written by Rinatta Paries

How’s your love life? If you have questions and you’re not sure who to ask, talk to a mentor.

I have discovered a stark contrast between what each sex thinks the opposite sex wants from them, and what the opposite sex really does want.

What women think men want from them causes women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

I asked a number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. You will find their answers unexpected. Discover what men said they want from women as contrasted with what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful relationship.

1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or wants, and never to ask for anything. Women think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively.

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spent with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing a man he is needed will turn him off and
possibly make him run away.

A tip for womenMen want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation. Women think men either need or want to be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward. Women think men don’t want or value praise and acknowledgment, and so tend to only verbalize criticism.

A tip for women
Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.

Women think men only want to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.

A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.

5. Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many may define commitment as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women believe men do not want to work on a relationship; that when the going gets tough, they run.

A tip for women
Here is great news for those women who are resigned to the myth that all men cheat: infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how men need to be treated.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, their praise. Women also think men do not care about many things important to women, which is why they criticize. Criticism is a way to verbalize resentment.

A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.

How Much Sex Do You Get?

Written by Neal Black

Michele Weiner Davis in this video clip mentioned the average couple has sex 1.5 times a week. I know, what is the .5? Was it when they were interrupted by a kid knocking at the door? But really, how accurate are these stats? How many times did you have sex with your spouse last week? And do you remember the same number as your spouse? Will it start an argument just bringing it up?

Ok so here is the deal, how about you actually keep track for the next month. Don’t compare yourself to the national average, just keep track for yourself and see if what you think you do is actually what you do. Michele in another video clip said that having more sex helps couples grow so I’m sure it can help us all! The Bible says to only refrain from sex in marriage when you both agree to have a concentrated focus on prayer and even that should only be for a limited time (1 Cor. 7:3-5

So here is the challenge: instead of trying to beat the national average, take a month to improve your sex life. Start by talking.  Include things like what you want, need, and enjoy. Also include any hurt, frustration or obstacles.  Make sure both partners feel heard.

Next, go practice what you talked about.  What emotional changes do you see in your relationship?  Ideally more sex will benefit the relationship, but we all know we do not live in an ideal world.  For those of you who fight about sex and disagree, I want to hear from you too.  Let me know how it goes! (just remember to keep the conversation family friendly, for our younger audience)

The Gift of Time

Written by Aubri Galano

What one gift that everyone wants? The gift of time. Time is the main ingredient in building lasting relationships. Your time is a gift you can give your spouse every day.

My goal for this month is to learn more about my husband. My relationship with my husband is an important one. I’m constantly reminding myself of that and the importance of working on our friendship. It can be easy to just let our relationship happen. We live together, and I see him every day. Somehow our relationship work itself out because we must be getting closer if we see each all the time, right? Wrong.

Emotional intimacy doesn’t happen on its own

I see my coworkers a lot during the week, but many of those relationships stay at the co-worker/acquaintance level. I have to be intentional about growing and expanding those relationships if I want to have a deeper friendship. In my marriage, I have to intentional about spending time developing my friendship with my husband.  Emotional intimacy doesn’t just happen on its own.

It’s important to grow in your knowledge of your spouse. Believe it or not, there are still things you might not know about each other. There are things waiting to be discovered. You took the step to marry your spouse because you knew they were worth your time. So, show them you still see their worth by taking time to work on your relationship. In today’s busy culture, time is a big deal.

Remembering the good times

One of the things I do to get to know my husband better is to reminisce. I often have a bad memory, and I know I won’t remember fun times forever.  New memories are constantly replacing the old. It’s important to take time to remember all of the good things that have happened to you as a couple.

We sat down at our kitchen table and recorded, in a journal, all the good memories from the past year. It was nice to remember the fun times together. This was a good reminder that life can have more good in it than bad. Then, we talked through some questions:

• What did each of us enjoy doing the most?
• What do we want to continue doing?
• What do we want to add?

I wrote everything down so I can look back later and remember, for other couples just talking through memories is enough.  Time invested in your relationship is always time well spent. How will you work on a friendship with your spouse? What will you do to get to know your spouse more?

Gold Jewelry From Italy

I'm always on the lookout for beautiful things. I have an eye for fashion and for beauty. It's a gift. Yes, I joke a little bit; but, I am completely entranced by jewelry. The song does say Diamonds are a girl's best friend, after all, doesn't it?

Italy has a fine tradition of jewelry-making, stemming back thousands of years. In fact, 3,000 years ago ancient Etruscans, the people who lived in what is present-day Tuscany, began working with gold. Their creations were stunningly beautiful and held deep religious, political and social significance for the wearers.

The following pieces of jewelry (which I happen to adore) are made in the spirit of that old-world tradition. The craftsmanship is flawless and the results are gorgeous. If you want to know where you can get these items, just use our contact form.

1: This is the ring of an ancient warrior or king. See the strong detail on an otherwise simple band of 18-karat gold. Just look at the braided detailing that's so very Etruscan! I know this ring would make a great gift. I almost envision it as the perfect wedding ring for some lucky groom. A piece like this is meant to endure, just like love is?

2: Bracelets caress the wrist and adorn its sheer delicacy. This gold piece is really exquisite. Gold hearts face each other and are only separated by a sumptuous pearl. I envision this item on the arm of a young girl about to make her first Holy Communion or an adolescent who's about to go out on her first date. This precious item should belong to someone who's treasured, shouldn't it?

3: Speaking of precious treasures, this necklace is befitting an empress of ancient Rome. She who wears this golden trinket rules her domain. The swirling detail is very difficult to achieve. It's beautiful and oh-so-powerful. I love the flowers that beset the doubloon-like focal point. They're a delicate contrast that adds depth and dimension to this impressive, hand-crafted piece of jewelry.

4: As I was checking out necklaces, I felt that I would be remiss if I failed to mention this item. I don't know much about jewelry-making; but, I do know that the pattern shown here is not easy to achieve, certainly not with 18-karat gold. I love how the swirls and curves accentuate the smooth elegance of the pearl which rests so calmly in the center. This item could work well on the neck of a college student who wants to show her fun and funky side or a fashionista who can combine traditional elegance with contemporary cool.

5: I have a confession to make. Yes! I'm addicted to earrings. I have over two hundred pairs sitting in several jewelry boxes. Over the years, I guess I've just accumulated them. I am not proud to admit this, but I've never even worn some of my earrings. Of course, I'd wear both of these items I'd wear over and over again. They're made of 18-karat gold so you don't have to worry about fillers and impurities that can cause allergic reactions in those of us with sensitive ears (like me). The designs are really breath-taking. I think these pieces speak for themselves.

6: All in all, I'd say that each of these items is a true testament to the time-honored jewelry-making Etruscan traditions. They are a piece of Italy's past that shows just how beautiful her future can be.

Dynasty of Jewels

Torrini Logo, Florence, Italy

The Torrini Dynasty has its roots back in the fourteenth century when Jacopus Torrini of Scarperia, Italy began crafting fine suits of armor for the knights of the land. He registered his unique trademark in 1369 in Florence with the Guild of Iron Wrights, Armorers, and Nailmakers.

For his mark, he cleverly combined a spur, symbolizing the armor, and a half clover, symbolizing the good luck he wished his business to have. Today, the half clover still characterizes the mark of the House of Torrini.

All of Italy was experiencing growth at this time of the golden age and Jacopus Torrini's business flourished. Torrini decided to expand his craft into fine jewelry making, as well as the creation of precious objects for his clientele. He specialized in using gold.

Today's Torrini Dynasty members and goldsmiths still utilize a finishing technique developed by Jacopus Torrino. His technique made use of relevant facts from the writings of Benevenuto Cellini, a goldsmith and sculptor of some renown, to create a dipping solution that brings out and enhances the natural colors of the metal. This process, referred to as "Oro Nativo" which translates to native gold, has become the quintessential facet of Torrini designs.

Torrini Designs, Italy

Linked with Italian jewelry for over six hundred years, the Torrini dynasty has created a long line of fine jewelry with distinctive textures and vibrant hues, much of which rests in museums for an adoring public to see.

Among the claims of much fine golden wonderment the Torrini dynasty has given to the European aristocracy, are brilliant tiaras specially designed for Czarinas.

Far from being the jewelry of trends, here today and gone tomorrow, the eclectic high fashion designs of Torrini jewelryhave survived for twenty-five generations.

In fact, Torrini designs are meant to transcend the ordinary and entice women from all avenues of life.

Furthermore, Torrini designs are well known for being unique, exceptional, hand crafted pieces of elegance and beauty. Among the highly guarded secrets, a hand polished finish with an undeniable sheen is part of the Torrini legacy.

Franco Torrini, the 24th generation heir, and Fabrizio Torrini, his son and the 25th generation heir, hold the reins of the family business and together they guide the Torrini House of Jewels into the unknown future. From the elegant gift box that each piece rests in to the painstaking techniques incorporated in the craftsmanship of each uniquely beautiful piece, Torrini jewelry offers a lifetime of pleasurable moments.

Torrini Museum, Florence, Italy

Rings, pendants, and chains that put one's mind into the past and bygone days of medieval times all the way up to and including modern and intricate pieces of finely crafted gold set with jewels of the finest quality, the Torrini collections have a esteemed place in the world of jewelry.

The fine surface techniques utilized by the Torrini craftsmen coupled with the Oro Nativo process has created countless beautiful pieces that appear to have been salvaged from centuries past.

While the majority of the Torrini collection focuses on women's jewelry, a variety of pieces have been designed for men, including money clips, watches, pens, cuff links, and button covers.

Additionally, a beautiful collection of silver giftware has been carefully designed and included with the rest of the brilliant Torrini collections.

The Torrini Signum, Florence, Italy

More recently,Torrini jewelry, known as a high-end designer brand of jewelry, has expanded to include affordable pieces that are less rustic and more fun to entice new buyers to their market. However, the Torrini line continues to skirt the contemporary and mundane and embraces the unusual and remarkable for its appeal to the public.

From clever pieces that lend themselves to evening or daytime use to pieces exclusively designed for upscale clientele, the jewelry created by Torrini craftsmen continues to find a secret niche in the world of fashionable, unusual, and fabulous. Located in Florence, Italy on Via Ponte a Iozzi, theHouse of Torrini beckons the lover of fine jewelry.

By Susan M. Keenan